Mondays with Marlene

In my opinion ...

Have you ever asked your daughter to get you some rubbers? I did and the final result was quite satisfying, but getting to that point was positively hilarious. First of all she wanted me to repeat my request, which I did. Then she suggested I was probably old enough to buy my own rubbers. I agreed. Then she said she was delighted that I wasn’t too old for safe sex. I said I was delighted as well, but it didn’t have anything to do with safe sex; it was all about exercise. “Ya, ya, ya, everyone knows sex is great exercise so don’t try that one mom.”

It’s funny how some things never change. She didn’t listen to me when she was a teenager either.

After being in a brace for almost seven months, I was sadly out of shape, housebound, lacking confidence and needed to do something about it. My body was crying for help and I was up to throwing out the old lifeline, but needed some rubbers to assist me. Of course since then I have found out they aren’t called rubbers; they are officially known as Theraband, which does sound much better, especially if your daughter is involved.

So now I am the proud owner of an excellent variety of rubbers – er Theraband - to assist me into getting fit again. I found my tolerance levels, got advice from my healthcare professionals and have slowly started to increase my activity. I’m walking most morning, have now started acquacise, am trying to use my exercise ball on a regular basis and have found the Theraband some of the most useful tools I have in my little “get back into moving" arsenal.

There are still things I can’t do, and that may never change, but I’m focussing on the positive, doing what I can and am already feeling much stronger and more sure of myself.

Another great side effect? Meeting new people, getting out of the house on a regular basis and feeling so much better about myself. Important stuff.

And the sex? Well I’ll save that for another column.

Mondays with Marlene

In my opinion ...

Lots of things change when you are incapacitated and in pain. In fact, almost everything changes, but there is a way to do most daily tasks; ask for advice from your health care professional, think outside the box or just brain storm with friends and family. Mind you, you don’t want to ask the kids for advice on how to have sex with their dad, but it’s surprising what young minds come up with to solve some of those everyday problems. Since my husband and I are retired and don’t have any young ones running around the house, we’ve tried to figure things out for ourselves, often by trial and error. One thing I always did, though, was to ask my healthcare-givers if it was safe for me to do things such as vacuum, do laundry and clean toilets (the housecleaning triathlon)

Since I’ve been called a neat freak more than once in my life, you can imagine that watching dust bunnies grow under the bed pretty much made me crazy, so I had to figure out how to clean the house. What ended up working well for me, was a great husband who is probably the best string mop floor washer in the world, and breaking the job up into do-able increments. That was a challenge in itself since I’ve never in my life broken any job into small increments, but now I had no choice. I ended up dusting one day, cleaning the bathroom, kitchen sink and so on the second and vacuuming, which I found very hard, the third day and then my husband washed the floors. Presto – small increments from a “do it all now or the world will end type of gal” and I had a clean house. In fact it worked so well even though I am able to do more now, I still clean the same way. It made so much sense that I don’t ever want to put a full day into housecleaning again.

Another item that was a great help, especially early on in the relearning process, was one of those reacher things. I don’t know what they are really called but there is a handle and a trigger and a gripper so you can reach things that are too high for you and being me, I even used it to pick up bits and pieces off the floor, or the magazine I dropped or a few times to pinch my sweet husband right on the butt. Now that’s thinking outside the box! You can do it too.

Mondays With Marlene

In my opinion....

When I was in grade school, I was madly in love with the boy next door whose name was Bill, but the bills I’m dealing with these days are not the least bit loveable. People-type Bills come in all sizes, shapes and personalities, but the paper bills I am now involved with are all big. Very big. In fact so big that they are painful.

Been there done that? I’ll bet you have. Appointments with doctors, physiotherapists, psychologists, and heaven knows who else, and the bills keep coming. Whether the pain you are dealing with was the result of a car accident, a fall, or is part of that big black hole of undetermined, I can guarantee you have not only had to deal with the pain, but with the painful business of paying bills. There is no question that those of us lucky enough to live in Canada have a pretty good medical system, but it’s not perfect, doesn’t pay for everything and can drop us into an endless round of bills that we often don’t have enough money to pay, or have to pay in instalments – sometimes for the rest of our lives. Granted, we do have the option of purchasing supplemental insurance to cover a portion of what the provincial medical system doesn’t take care of, but not everyone can afford it. It’s even more critical these days when so many people are losing their jobs due to the economic downturn. I tell you, this can be a combination of the perfect storm and the ultimate catch 22.

So what do you do when you’re in pain and trying to recover from the “sticker shock” cost of being ill? I wish I had some simple answers, but I don’t. I have protested one bill I received from a U.S. hospital, so we’ll see where that goes. If you have any ideas to share with us, please feel free to leave a comment. Perhaps if we get a dialogue going, we can all get some insight into how to deal with that bill thing and be able to put more of our energy into getting our lives back.

Mondays with Marlene

In my opinion....


Probably one of the worst things about chronic pain is feeling alone, imagining no one can possibly understand and trying to figure out how to lessen the pain or live with it....live being the operative word. Who can you really talk to besides your doctor? Who can really understand the mess this pain has made of your life? How about seeking out others like you who suffer from chronic pain? I don’t mean a stitch and bitch session; I mean exchange ideas, ask each other questions, give each other hope and know, finally, that you’re not alone.

A long time ago I had a “nervous breakdown”, a different kind of pain but pain never the less, and I’ve never felt so alone in my life. I felt ashamed that I hadn’t been strong enough to work through the stress and just carry on. Thank heavens I had a doctor who was not only compassionate, but smart enough to not just put me on “the pill” and tell me things would get better sooner or later. She sent me to the hospital as a day patient where I met many other people who were going through the same thing I was. I wasn’t alone after all and I also realized that I had absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. My job was to get well and not let the “stigma” of a nervous breakdown break me down.

Although my relationship with pain wasn’t a long one, I would bet the family farm that everyone suffering from chronic pain feels very alone and a little ashamed at not being able to handle it. I think the key to starting a new life is to gather all the information you can about your “problem” then act on it. Communicate, question, search and if, after all, you do have to live with pain for the rest of your life gather all the tools that you will help you, in the end, have a life. Sign up for group discussions, family sessions and know that you are not alone and have nothing to be ashamed of. Live.