Mondays with Marlene

In my opinion....


Probably one of the worst things about chronic pain is feeling alone, imagining no one can possibly understand and trying to figure out how to lessen the pain or live with it....live being the operative word. Who can you really talk to besides your doctor? Who can really understand the mess this pain has made of your life? How about seeking out others like you who suffer from chronic pain? I don’t mean a stitch and bitch session; I mean exchange ideas, ask each other questions, give each other hope and know, finally, that you’re not alone.

A long time ago I had a “nervous breakdown”, a different kind of pain but pain never the less, and I’ve never felt so alone in my life. I felt ashamed that I hadn’t been strong enough to work through the stress and just carry on. Thank heavens I had a doctor who was not only compassionate, but smart enough to not just put me on “the pill” and tell me things would get better sooner or later. She sent me to the hospital as a day patient where I met many other people who were going through the same thing I was. I wasn’t alone after all and I also realized that I had absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. My job was to get well and not let the “stigma” of a nervous breakdown break me down.

Although my relationship with pain wasn’t a long one, I would bet the family farm that everyone suffering from chronic pain feels very alone and a little ashamed at not being able to handle it. I think the key to starting a new life is to gather all the information you can about your “problem” then act on it. Communicate, question, search and if, after all, you do have to live with pain for the rest of your life gather all the tools that you will help you, in the end, have a life. Sign up for group discussions, family sessions and know that you are not alone and have nothing to be ashamed of. Live.

Welcome to our new Master of Ceremonies

Welcome to Marlene Robertson, our new Master of Ceremonies around here. She has graciously volunteered to keep this blog running regularly, to free me up to write the play, edit the play, fundraise for the play and eventually stage the play. So you can now watch for regular updates - two to three times a week.

We appreciate all your comments, so please keep them coming.

Here's Marlene's first message.

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“You’re such a pain in the neck; Harry is a total pain in the butt.” How many times have we all made these statements and probably many more variations? These are relatively painless pains, and quickly pass. Nothing life-threatening here. But what happens when the pain doesn’t go away? What happens when we live with pain every day, sometimes for weeks, months or years? What happens if the pain never goes away? Well I suspect some of the people we have called a pain in the neck or a pain in the butt live with pain every single day of their lives, but we can’t conceive of that so we think they should just get on with life or suck it up or just grit their teeth and quit complaining. Ah, if only it was that easy. Wouldn’t life be grand?

I’m Deborah’s mom, Marlene, and I'm going to take over as "blog master" here, as the Pain Diaries becomes a reality. Over the years I’ve had some pain: a broken wrist, surgery, root canal and many years of migraine headaches, but until I was in a very bad car accident, I truly had no idea what pain was all about. Lots of bumps and bruises and stitches and six broken vertebra in my neck and back. Paralyzing, numbing, never-ending scary pain. But I am among the blessed because almost eight months after the accident, all six vertebrae have now healed, the pain is pretty much gone and my neck is slowly starting to work again.


What would I have done if I had to live with that pain every day for the rest of my life? Could I have sucked it up, got on with my life or grit my teeth? I don’t know and thank God and my Angels I don’t have to find out, but it made me understand that pain can be overwhelming and can literally cripple you. No more skiing, long walks on a perfect summer evening, or taking your kids camping. No more driving the car, making love with a man you adore, a man who has stuck with you through thick and through thin, a man who is suffering as well. Life will never be the same, and as I was so fond of saying throughout my recovery, “I just want my life back.” I have so very much to be thankful for and never again will I judge anyone who is in pain. Never.

Wow - a week of rest. How cool is that. I've been doing research for the play, interviewing two, three sometimes four people a week. It's exhausting...for many reasons. First of all, trying to fit this in around full time jobs is always challenging, just ask any of us on the Advisory Committee for this project...or for that matter, just ask any artist in Canada. Most of us work day jobs.

So what do we all do during the day? I'm glad you asked.

Dr. John Clark is an renowned and respected expert in the field of treating pain. He is the Medical Director for the Calgary Health Region Chronic Pain Centre. On weekends he is usually off somewhere presenting papers, giving talks, teaching...and sometimes I think he fits in a ski weekend.

Dr. Chris Spanswick, also a well respected expert in the field of pain management, who wrote the textbook "Pain". He is also the Medical Lead for the Calgary Health Region Regional Pain Program and an avid hockey fan.

Dr. Paul Taezner is a clinical psychologist and founder of the Chronic Pain Centre Pilot Project (with Dr. Pam Barton). He is also in demand and often off presenting or teaching somewhere in the world, while juggling his duties with the Calgary Health Region, the Chronic Pain Centre and seeing patients.

Terry Kane, though retired from traveling with the Calgary Flames, is still a busy man. He is a physiotherapist at the Calgary Health Region Chronic Pain Centre and also maintains a private practice. He also presents and lectures, as well as spending time with his family.

Hal Kerbes normally would be in Calgary running his company Shadow Productions, writing and probably acting as well. But this summer he is in Chemainus, BC, at the theatre festival. You can see him starring in two different plays if you're out there. Plus he's still juggling the writing and trying to do some research for the play as well. You have to admire someone who can learn two plays at once and actually say the right lines on the right night!

And me, I'm at the Calgary Health Region Chronic Pain Centre during the daytime, faithfully transcribing medical reports. At night, I turn into a writer. I am currently working on editing my sixth murder mystery (Kate Carpenter Mysteries), selling a medical thriller (Mind Games), finishing a novel about a mother and her two daughters (Finding Evangeline) and writing a play that has affected my life deeply.

So there, that's the first reason it's exhausting. And the second is the emotional impact. I find it interesting that I thought as I researched this I would be able to distance myself from the emotions. But I underestimated the power of the stories that I am hearing.

And I forgot that us writers are kind of crazy people too. These characters float around in our heads and sometimes they become very real (to us) and you begin to feel the emotions as if they were your own. I have been known to drive down the Deerfoot in tears, sobbing because I've just written a scene in my head where my characters from my murder myster series have had a huge fight. I've laughed out loud in very inappropriate places when I've come up with a funny scene. Now you know why some of those really famous writer's drank so much...coping with all these extra emotions from all these imaginary characters!

But seriously, again I want to thank everyone who has shared their stories with me so far, and I look very forward to hearing more as the summer moves on!