Mondays with Marlene

In my opinion....


Probably one of the worst things about chronic pain is feeling alone, imagining no one can possibly understand and trying to figure out how to lessen the pain or live with it....live being the operative word. Who can you really talk to besides your doctor? Who can really understand the mess this pain has made of your life? How about seeking out others like you who suffer from chronic pain? I don’t mean a stitch and bitch session; I mean exchange ideas, ask each other questions, give each other hope and know, finally, that you’re not alone.

A long time ago I had a “nervous breakdown”, a different kind of pain but pain never the less, and I’ve never felt so alone in my life. I felt ashamed that I hadn’t been strong enough to work through the stress and just carry on. Thank heavens I had a doctor who was not only compassionate, but smart enough to not just put me on “the pill” and tell me things would get better sooner or later. She sent me to the hospital as a day patient where I met many other people who were going through the same thing I was. I wasn’t alone after all and I also realized that I had absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. My job was to get well and not let the “stigma” of a nervous breakdown break me down.

Although my relationship with pain wasn’t a long one, I would bet the family farm that everyone suffering from chronic pain feels very alone and a little ashamed at not being able to handle it. I think the key to starting a new life is to gather all the information you can about your “problem” then act on it. Communicate, question, search and if, after all, you do have to live with pain for the rest of your life gather all the tools that you will help you, in the end, have a life. Sign up for group discussions, family sessions and know that you are not alone and have nothing to be ashamed of. Live.

Welcome to our new Master of Ceremonies

Welcome to Marlene Robertson, our new Master of Ceremonies around here. She has graciously volunteered to keep this blog running regularly, to free me up to write the play, edit the play, fundraise for the play and eventually stage the play. So you can now watch for regular updates - two to three times a week.

We appreciate all your comments, so please keep them coming.

Here's Marlene's first message.

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“You’re such a pain in the neck; Harry is a total pain in the butt.” How many times have we all made these statements and probably many more variations? These are relatively painless pains, and quickly pass. Nothing life-threatening here. But what happens when the pain doesn’t go away? What happens when we live with pain every day, sometimes for weeks, months or years? What happens if the pain never goes away? Well I suspect some of the people we have called a pain in the neck or a pain in the butt live with pain every single day of their lives, but we can’t conceive of that so we think they should just get on with life or suck it up or just grit their teeth and quit complaining. Ah, if only it was that easy. Wouldn’t life be grand?

I’m Deborah’s mom, Marlene, and I'm going to take over as "blog master" here, as the Pain Diaries becomes a reality. Over the years I’ve had some pain: a broken wrist, surgery, root canal and many years of migraine headaches, but until I was in a very bad car accident, I truly had no idea what pain was all about. Lots of bumps and bruises and stitches and six broken vertebra in my neck and back. Paralyzing, numbing, never-ending scary pain. But I am among the blessed because almost eight months after the accident, all six vertebrae have now healed, the pain is pretty much gone and my neck is slowly starting to work again.


What would I have done if I had to live with that pain every day for the rest of my life? Could I have sucked it up, got on with my life or grit my teeth? I don’t know and thank God and my Angels I don’t have to find out, but it made me understand that pain can be overwhelming and can literally cripple you. No more skiing, long walks on a perfect summer evening, or taking your kids camping. No more driving the car, making love with a man you adore, a man who has stuck with you through thick and through thin, a man who is suffering as well. Life will never be the same, and as I was so fond of saying throughout my recovery, “I just want my life back.” I have so very much to be thankful for and never again will I judge anyone who is in pain. Never.

In the beginning

There was an idea. There is always an idea. The problem is whether one can germinate the seed into something...be it a novel, a short story, a play, a TV show... The other problem is getting other people to believe in the idea.

Well, I had the idea to write a play about chronic pain. It's something that's not understood and literally thousands of people suffer in silence. They suffer while those around them think it's all in their heads or that they're malingering. They lose their lives figurately, by not being able to work, to care for themselves, to play with their children or have relationships with their husbands and wives; and they lose their lives literally, when they think they can no longer cope.

And finding supporters was much easier than I thought it would be. There are hundreds of caring professionals out there that dedicate their lives to helping people with pain. But there are also hundreds of people that have been touched by pain themselves or know someone who has been touched by pain. I mean, think about it. Pain is universal. No matter where you go on this planet, everyone feels pain.

This blog is dedicated to the sufferers and their friends and families, and the people who try and help them. It will track the making of the play. All of us who are involved, and there are so many, will comment, and hopefully some patients may add their comments as well. If we can touch the life of just one person, we will have reached our goal.

Deb